Dirty Undies
by CandyCentric
Summary: Written for a prompt at the RaisingHellions DA fanfic Archive: "There are no embarassing questions, only embarassing answers." Alec once again finds himself in a fix. . .


**Author's Note:** I actually wrote this a few years back, but apparently never got it posted here. So, have fun reading & please review! :)

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Why did things like this always happen to him? Why? Did someone up there really him so much that they personally enjoyed putting him into these impossible situations just to watch him struggle for a way out of them?

And of course, who is always there to pull his ass out of the fire, but the one woman who couldn't possibly think any less of him than she already did? The one woman who he tried so desperately - and failed so drastically - to impress.

Max. The Queen herself. In all her raging glory.

It never failed. Every freaking time.

Take today for instance. He, like a good friend, had been noticing how stressed she had been lately, so he got it into his thick skull to gift her with a few days away from it all. A temporary reprieve from the heavy toll it took out of her mind and body to keep Terminal City running as smoothly as possible - something that was far from a laid back job. She needed to relax, unwind and just have some time to kick back for a while. There were a lot of people, human and not-so-much - counting on her to keep it together. Really, he had her best interests at heart. And, hey, if they ended up in a cozy little one bed hotel room for a night or two, that would be a complete coincidence. Honestly.

So, if they were planning on going somewhere, they'd need some wheels. Preferably, the enclosed variety seeing as the weather had been uncooperative with his grand plan for seduction-, er, relaxation.

The little two door coop he'd found had seemed like a dream at the time, but the dream had quickly morphed into a nightmare. Who would have thought the tiny sports car would be owned by a 400 pound bouncer name Brick? Or, that Brick would be accompanied by his buddies? And wouldn't you know it, he seemed to take offense for some crazy reason that Alec had tried to take off with his ride.

Yes, he was a highly skilled super human, but come on! Alec's main concern was trying not to get sat on and squashed like a cockroach under a dirty sneaker. As you would expect, a fight ensued, but it was over quickly. But, it seemed Brick wasn't satisfied that Alec had had his ass flattened, wrapped with a pretty pink bow and handed back to him.

Nope, as luck would have it the car had just been bought as a present for Brick's girlfriend, Mincee. And Mincee, a hell demon disguised within the body of a blonde, bubble-gum-popping Barbie, came up with a nifty little plan to make Alec's humiliation complete. He was convinced it was simply because the little bimbo had wanted to see him without his clothes on. An understandable feeling given his physique, but hardly productive to the overall end game of getting Max to start thinking of him in a better light.

Within ten minutes he had been taken down into the sewers, stripped down to his skivvies and locked in... some sort of an enclosed area. With a padlock keeping the door shut tight. A big one.

The upside was finding an access grate in the ceiling that lead to the surface. The downside - as with how the rest of his day had been going - was after crawling up the ladder to learn it was completely rusted out. Still, it was better than nothing. If he reached and stretched as far as he could, he could almost get his fingertips through the grate and out to the fresh air. Of course, that really didn't gain him a whole lot.

It was a sad day indeed when he realized there would be no way out of the gate without reinforcement. And even sadder still when he realized there was only one person he would be able to call. But, he didn't have a phone, because they were in his pants, which were also missing. Thankfully, around that time a pimply faced pizza boy had been walking by and Alec had jumped at the opportunity. No doubt the boy had thought him insane, but in the end Alec had swayed him with the promise of fifty bucks to go knock on Max's door and tell her where he was. At first, when the boy had asked if Alec had anything of his to take with him to prove to Max he was telling the truth and really had talked to him, it had seemed like a great idea. When Alec had looked around at the empty room and came to a startling realization, any thoughts of surviving the night with his dignity intact had escaped through the metal bars and flown off with the so-called 'helper'.

And that was how he had ended up sitting bare-assed naked in the bottom of a sewer. Not knowing whether to hope that Max was out for the night or in, where she would be found. He sighed inwardly when he looked up to see her standing on the other side of the gate with a look on her face somewhere between a scowl and amusement.

"Will you please explain why in the hell I just paid a pizza boy fifty dollars for a pair of your dirty underwear?"

Sometimes, he hated his life.


End file.
